Thursday, November 12, 2009

It's been a couple of days and I'm sorry for that. Things have been busy and in all honesty, I've been in terrible pain. I honestly feel like a 32-year-old living in the the body of a 90-year-old {one that is not full of "piss and vinegar" as my Gramma used to say!}. I don't know at times how I will be able to make it until January. My left side tends to seize up when it wants to. It usually begins in my left arm and hand. It becomes "fuzzy' feeling and very warm. Then it spreads to my left leg and my foot becomes so full of pins and needles that at times I am moved to tears.

It is very hard with work-being a medical assistant in front of the computer most times is a HUGE contributor to this. But I love my job. No matter how many times my GP tells me "oh how are you still working, especially full time?". I pretty much laugh at him each time. Sure I could "give up", but I can't. I love my job. He tells me I have my medical benefits and I know I am so gratefully lucky to have this, but I can not see myself taking that option. Not at this point anyways.

I would be very bored at home! I go crazy over stat holidays and summer/winter holidays! I miss the patients, I miss my docs, I miss work. I miss being OUTSIDE of my "Mom life". Plus, I am strong. I keep telling myself that. I went to school as a single mom of two little boys {Mikey was a year and Liam was 3}. THAT was hard. But I did it. I did it for THEM. I wanted them to be proud of me. I thought how it would be for them when they entered school and their friends would ask them "what does your mommy do". I didn't want them to say "my mommy can't work". I pushed through school. As much as I hated dropping them off at daycare every morning. I hated seeing their sad faces. They needed the other kids interaction and I really did want Mikey immursed in other kids to get "used" to THE questions that I knew we could not get around from.

I got off a bit on a tangent there. I appologize. I have been a bit emotional the past little bit. I strongly believe that with all that is going on in my body that it is throwing off my regular system. Blah. One day. Soon. I will be free of this pain. Of this nightmare. I keep getting told by everyone of the complications that could happen from this surgery. I am well aware that nothing is guaranteed. But I can not NOT try. I need to do this. I am too young to feel like this. I need to be able to enjoy playing with the boys {and stay up later than 7PM!}. Although I am also not looking forward to having an incision across the front of my neck {I really am not so secretly} hoping that the stenosis will be severe enough by OR time that he needs to convert to an incision on the back of my neck. In any case, it will all be worth it, right?

I also am such a dimwit and not sure if I mentioned that while I met with the Neurosurgeon I completely forgot to ask him about the mass in my supraclavicle. To be fair though, he was searching for my current scans {my GP's front end girls are really not on the ball} and then he got called to the ER. I am to meet with my GP this Saturday & I pray to God that he does not cancel that appointment, as he is famous for doing. If you could spare a few extra prayers for this too, I would greatly appreciate it!

Mikey was in the Saint City News November 6th, 2009 edition! He is on Page 14!!

And now, here are a couple of pictures for your enjoyment!!

Mikey chillin' in the bubbles {jaccuzi's and Lightning McQueen bubble bath need to be monitored!!}

And in this picture, you will see WHY I am the World's Proudest mom! This is a side-by-side picture of their school photos for 2009-2010. My word, they really are becoming big boys!

Hope you enojy the rest of your day & now I must get to work!
P.S. Does anyone else find the photo uploader here on Blogger is really a HUGE PITA {computer lingo for those that might be wondering!}?!!!

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